The Last Real Knight
by x Varda x
Summary: Rodney and John find trouble in a lab on Atlantis. Rodney gets the sharp end of the sword as usual.  Gen.


**Title** - The Last Real Knight  
><strong>Rating<strong> - PG13  
><strong>Characters<strong> - Rodney and John. Gen.  
><strong>Words<strong> - 2320  
><strong>Summary<strong>- Rodney and John find trouble in a lab on Atlantis. Rodney gets the sharp end of the sword as usual.

**A/N**- Edited and posted for my 2012 WIP Amnesty. Written in August 2011 for Kink Bingo: Historical Roleplay, HC Bingo: Combat

**The Last Real Knight**

"Hey, what does this do?" John asked as he pressed the blinking light on the console.

Rodney dashed over to him, "What have I told you about pressing shiny buttons!"

John looked sheepish and stepped back. "Uh, not to do it."

_"Exactly."_Rodney touched a few controls around the button John had pressed and let out a gusty sigh. They were in a lab on Atlantis, nothing unusual, just a quick survey. "I'm not even sure why you're here, Sheppard."

John patted the P90 clipped to the front of his tac vest as he slouched against one of the walls. "Can't be too careful."

"But this is home, there shouldn't be anything here and I work better without you sabotaging everything."

"It was one button, McKay, and it was telling me to press it."

Rodney frowned, "Oh, is this your 'magical connection with the city' thing again?" He waved his hands as he spoke. "I'm sorry I have to find out what things do before I start messing with them. How do you know it wasn't a self destruct or poisonous gas release mechanism?"

John shrugged. "It didn't tell me it was."

Rodney sighed again and carried on working. After a few minutes he eyed the big button which was now blinking as it had done before. John twitched against the wall and said, "It's telling me again. Sooner or later you're going to have to do it."

Rodney scowled and pressed it. After a few seconds a green light came from the ceiling and aimed at him. It swiftly tracked up his body, from his toes to his head and Rodney stilled and screwed his eyes tightly closed.

"McKay!" John shouted, pushing away from the wall where all relaxation had vanished from his tense frame.

Rodney let out a breath once the light turned off and winced. "Oh, that can't be good."

The light came on again and targeted John, making him endure the same treatment.

"What's going on, McKay?"

"I don't know," Rodney frantically typed on his computer. Clamps then came from a place hidden in the floor and grabbed his feet. Liquid metal spread up his legs and he shrieked, trying to break loose.

There was a negative sounding beep near John and he was free to run over to Rodney. The metal coalesced into full plates on Rodney's calves, then travelled up his thighs, reaching for his abdomen and chest. It slithered all over him from the feet upwards and down his arms and all the while he breathed heavily with eyes wide in panic. "John, help me!"

Sheppard stood nearby, unsure what to do. He opted to stay clear until the whatever it was had finished whatever it was doing, then call for help. Soon the plates covered Rodney from head to toe, including a helmet with an eye slit and breathing holes, the grip on his feet released and he staggered.

"Get it off! Get it off!" He cried in a muffled voice through the helmet.

"You look just like a medieval knight," John observed.

"I don't care. It's heavy and I can't breathe."

John examined the metal covering Rodney and got him to lift his arms and legs in turn, but the thing was completely seamless. "I don't think you're going to be getting out of that in a hurry." He smirked. "I hope you used the bathroom today."

Rodney sighed and tugged at the plates on his left hand, but to no avail. The gloves were articulated, but held in place by invisible rivets.

John tapped his radio, "Sheppard to Zelenka. Meet us in Lab 32. McKay's got himself in a heavy situation." John sighed off.

"Oh, ha ha. Are there going to be jokes about 'heavy metal' now?" Rodney unsuccessfully tried to fold his metal coated arms.

"Can if you want me too."

Rodney huffed metallically and then another stream of metal came from the floor near his feet and formed into a long sword and shield.

"What now?" Rodney asked as he used his limited field of vision to look down.

"I don't know." John lifted his P90 and flicked off the safety.

"In here? Seriously, you're more likely to kill both of us with ricochet than anything that attacks! Or you'll just kill yourself while the bullets bounce off my new chassis. I swear this thing is crushing my ribs, it weighs a ton." Rodney wheezed through the helmet holes.

John deflated and put the safety back on.

More metal came from the floor on the other side of the lab and continued to build up away from the floor in a narrow cylinder. Both men watched it and after a few seconds it formed into a knight, clad in a similar fashion to Rodney, but already wielding its sword and shield.

"Oh crap," John uttered.

Rodney's laboured breaths sped up. "You could say that."

John said, "Screw this," as the knight advanced. He aimed his P90 and popped a couple of bullets into the figure. They were harmlessly absorbed and it kept advancing.

"Off off off," Rodney said as he spun around and clanked over to the control panel. "Big shiny buttons are from hereon in banned. Pressing of the same should be made an offence."

"It's not stopping, McKay," John said. He reached for the sword and shield on the floor, but his hands passed through them. He emptied an entire clip into the other knight, making Rodney wince, but it had no effect. "I can't stop it," John admitted as he backed away. "Let's get out of here."

Rodney tapped a few more buttons with his gauntleted hands, but nothing he did made any difference. "Stupid thing isn't responding at all now."

John went over and grabbed the smooth, cold metal of Rodney's upper arm and dragged him away from the console. "You put on weight, McKay? You're heavier than I remember."

"Soon I'm not going to be able to breathe. Did someone turn up the heat? It must be 40 degrees in here!"

"No, that'll be the full plate armour you're wearing."

They reached the door, but it wouldn't open, even when John bridged the crystals as Rodney had lost too much dexterity and speed with his gloves.

"It's not working!" John said.

"Obviously. Listen, can you hold him off while I work on the console?"

John eyed the slowly approaching knight and grimaced. "I'll try."

John got near it, but it ignored him and went straight for Rodney who had clanked his way back to the console and had his back to the danger. "Look out" John cried, but the knight was already there.

The assailant whacked Rodney in the back with its shield, making him bow forwards onto the console and he lost his breath in the shock and pain. Instead of jabbing him with the sword, the knight used the hilt to impact Rodney's right arm and sent him tumbling away from the console. Rodney rolled over on the floor, each turn causing a crash and a scrape of metal against the ground. He rolled onto the sword and shield laid out for him.

"Grab them, Rodney!" John called out.

He obliged, even though it felt like every bone in his body was shattered. He used the sword as a stick to help lever himself upright with superhuman effort, then pulled the shield up in front of his body with his left hand.

"Kill it!" John shouted from a safe distance.

"Why don't you try..." Rodney huffed as his limited vision only allowed him to see the top third of the knight approaching.

Rodney lifted the shield as the opponent's sword swung towards him and the heavy impact drove the shield right out of his clutching fingers. Pain burst from his arm and he cried out at the same time as his shield landed with a loud clang several metres away.

"Rodney!" John called out, as he alternated aiming his P90 at the knight and tensing as though he was going to run into the fray himself.

"It's okay," Rodney breathed as he held his injured arm against his breastplate. The sword was so heavy in his hand, he could barely hold it up, never mind use it.

The knight saw his difficulty and quickly smacked him in his helmeted head a few times, each impact clanging loudly in his ears and making his head bounce around the padded metal.

"Stop hitting me!" He cried in a broken voice, his hot breath and the words echoed back at him inside the claustrophobic metal confines of the helmet. Something warm was tickling his temple and he shook it off with a wince.

There was a heavy impact against his upper left leg, then one into his right side and he fell onto one knee. As his vision began to grey out, he heard a desperate voice cry out, "Fight back, McKay!"

He opened his eyes and looked up to see the point of a sword aiming for the middle of his chest. Even with the armour on, he doubted it would protect him from such a point and it would probably punch right through the metal into his heart. He rolled out of the way as the blade descended and it merely scuffed his side as he moved. He landed and the weight of his suit made him roll over and over, but he kept hold of his own sword for dear life as each breath came in a short, sharp gasp.

The knight followed him easily and Rodney pushed himself upright. Something tickled the back of his throat and he coughed harshly, tasting metal. His injured leg shook to hold him as he clutched his damaged arm against his side. Was this really it? Rodney McKay, genius, doomed to die at the hands of an imaginary knight just because the allure of a big flashing button was too much to withstand. Rodney didn't think so, and instead he lifted his sword aloft with his one working arm and brought it down.

The knight blocked the first blow with its shield, but the second time it wasn't so lucky as Rodney drew it across the knight's legs as it had done to him - out of sight and unexpected.

Its legs buckled and it fell. Before it could recover, Rodney gave it the same treatment as he had almost received, plunging the sword into the knight's chest and just as he had suspected, it went right through the armour and right through the knight with a teeth setting screech. The knight fell over and the floor jolted under Rodney's feet as he let go of his sword.

Metal melted away and flowed down back into the floor. The suit covering Rodney also unwrapped its tendrils from him and as it left him, he felt light as a feather, but the pain continued.

"Rodney!" John called out as he ran over and caught his friend as he fell. He tapped his radio. "Medical team to lab 32!"

"I won," Rodney gasped. He was soaked in sweat and trembling in John's arms.

"You did."

There was blood coming from a nasty cut on Rodney's forehead and he held his arm against himself as pain twisted his face. He let out a slow sigh as his eyes fluttered shut and he lost consciousness.

John did a quick survey and found some nasty looking bruises on Rodney's arm and side. He didn't check the leg, but suspected it was a similar sight.

The door to the lab swished open once the metal had all vanished and Carson came in with his medical team, followed by Radek. "What happened?" Carson asked.

"Believe it or not, Rodney fought a knight and won."

"I heard that..." Rodney mumbled as Carson's team took him out of John's hands and gently placed him on the waiting gurney.

"Be careful," John warned Radek. "And don't press the blinking button, no matter how tempted you are."

Radek nodded and pushed up his glasses as he grabbed Rodney's tablet computer which was hanging off the console. He unplugged it and left with the others. "I think I will analyse this data in the safety of the main lab."

"I don't blame you," John said

xxx

"It hurts, can't you give me some morphine?" Rodney whined as Carson checked him over.

"It's only bruising, Rodney and you're already on some _heavy_duty painkillers."

"That's so not funny," Rodney said with a wince. "I got knocked about by a knight with a sword and shield!" The cut on his head was stitched up and monitor leads trailed under his scrub shirt.

"You're lucky you didn't break anything based on what John said about the attack. A minor concussion and some internal bleeding that shouldn't require surgery. But I suppose the Ancient armour was pretty tough."

"Not tough enough," Rodney held his arm against himself. The bruise he deliberately angled towards Carson was so dark it was almost black and visibly swollen.

"Alright, I'll get you some stronger painkillers, but no morphine with your head injury."

Rodney nodded meekly and relaxed into the bed.

John swung by later in the day. "Replicators?"

"Again," Rodney sighed. "Those robot menaces get everywhere."

"Radek says they measured us both, but only you were suitable. My tac vest and P90 stopped the machine from working."

Rodney sighed sadly and closed his eyes.

"I got some music you can listen to while you recover," John said, getting out his iPod.

"If it's Johnny Cash, I'll discharge myself right now."

"No. I though you might appreciate something heavier, considering what happened. Let's see: Motorhead, Iron Maiden, a few others... I borrowed them from Miko and Radek."

Rodney groaned as John placed the iPod on his bedside table. "Maybe later, I feel really tired and I have enough of a headache already." He quickly closed his eyes and feigned sleep until John got bored and went away.


End file.
